tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1576931768660001666.post3318695232875184635..comments2023-06-19T06:16:21.321-07:00Comments on Courage to Change: My Thinking, Is it Realistic?Smittyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12681768755769989964noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1576931768660001666.post-15251477418008683192011-11-05T21:49:49.933-07:002011-11-05T21:49:49.933-07:00Lou, I don't know if we can make ourselves sto...Lou, I don't know if we can make ourselves stop caring. Honestly.<br />My primary program, EA, has as its first step, the statement, that we are powerless over our emotions. Caring for me is an emotion. What I have learned is that the part of me that is hurt by my mom pushing my buttons... and her NOT caring, IS caring and is wanting to be nurtured, loved, respected. So I redirect that caring and put it towards taking compassionate action towards myself. <br /><br />I can so relate to your "steeling" yourself for your conversations with your mom. I used to deny my pain, even, by laughing it off too. Well, laughter just made it so that I did not get out of punching range fast enough. Today, I am more humble and I realize I feel pain, and I do not belittle that any more. I do not say, gee I should not care. No, I want to be caring and sensitive, and so I too limit my conversations. I rely on my HP to keep me outside the house at times when my mom might call during the day. I even refuse to answer calls from private caller or blocked numbers. My mom thankfully never leaves messages, and I have decided practicality is "my parent" right now. Practicality helps me to simply say, "If my mom won't leave a message, I CANNOT humanly be expected to call her back." A quiet, private sense of humor helps me to lighten my path with my mom at these times. I don't have to "prove" anything with my humor anymore. It does not make me tough, it helps me to soften the pain of realizing I alone can parent myself.Smittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12681768755769989964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1576931768660001666.post-844316740416321292011-11-05T15:32:42.883-07:002011-11-05T15:32:42.883-07:00This is helpful, I tend to be very emotional.
My ...This is helpful, I tend to be very emotional.<br /><br />My mother pushes my buttons. I have tried various strategies to make myself "not care." I limit my phone conversations to once a week. I mentally prepare (steel) myself for these conversations. I try not to point out the obvious, or argue with her blatant fallacies. I try not to respond to her controlling and criticism. Like you say, I have a choice..but still it is a struggle.Louhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09496172669599418214noreply@blogger.com