I do not have resolutions, but I have realistic hopes and a plan (program) to make my hopes a reality.
I have my challenges ahead in the new year.
One is that our family will always live with the possibility of my relapse. I disovered that Thanksgiving 2010. Was I ever dismayed to face that reality! So far, so good, because in my face-to-face group I share details pretty freely and stay Honest, Open, Willing to use my last relapse as a yardstick for progress and perspective. Also, because my own form of stinking thinking gets out of control when I lose out on sleep, I need take special care in my sleep hygene.
Thankfully I am getting good sleep and I have learned this past year, using prayer and meditation, to be more self-aware. I am much better at catching my habitual reactions before they spiral out of control. I attribute that to a lot of mini Step-fours and continued work with Steps Five, Six and Seven. Also this year I have learned to make amends to myself. One of these amends is underway--limited contact with my mom is really helping me to be much kinder to myself.
Second challenge is to find new ways to relate to my Inner Child and to care for her, that make it easier for me to communicate with my mom (once she has decided to resume contact with me). I know I have a lot of things to learn about fostering a healthy relationship with myself when someone else needs to use me as a punching bag, mirror, or garbage can. Trick for me is not communicating out of anger, but out of self-compassion. Anger is easy for me to communicate, but fragile people and the personality disordered, take that anger and run with it. The fragile run away, the personality disordered use my feelings of anger as excuse to "charge." I'll be using EA plus other tools to deal with the FOO-eey issues.
Third challenge is that we have been living in limbo since last March, and will continue to live this way until my DH hears final word about job changes. I need to keep things stable for my family while we are anticipating the change and then deal with the news when it comes. Serenity prayer time!
Fourth challenge is to take some moves with my primary vocation that will help me bring in new income with the potential for professional recognition.
So glad to witness others who are also turning over new leaves in their lives and renewing commitments to mental health. Let serenity and self-love be our guiding lights in 2012!
Looking forword to sharing my journey with you.
