Step Four, Cleaning My Window to the World

I've come to see that a searching and courageous inventory removes the grime on my window to the world. Those resentments sure can cloud the view.

The word  "inventory" implies some form of writing.  I've learned that steady progress using the written word, makes a writer (witness) out of each one of us.  Some  detailed story telling is often helpful, even if the end result is a simple list of character assets and liabilities. 

My inventory is getting me to over my regrets and release my grip on the past.   I am attempting to be serious and kind in my study of how I have misused my arm and shoulder over the years. Pain is still my best teacher. 

Funny.

Reflection on Step Five, Haiku

Witness

Wrong? Admit. Think right.
Though my arrows miss each mark
Your eyes forgive me.


Step Four: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

"All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain?" Buddha

Reflection on Step Four, Haiku

Courageous Inventory

With pen in hand I
Pored through my basement and found
Compost and treasure.

When your heart speaks, take good notes. ~Judith Campbell

Step Four: Made a searching and fearless (courageous) moral inventory of ourselves. I use the word, courageous, because  I learned in my program that "courage was fear that had said its prayers."

I love that the root, coeur, means heart. That made the selection of the above quote quite satisfying to me.

The Steps beginning to Round

But did I really jump 10 steps ahead only to "fall back down" to Step One?  Not if I see the Steps on a clock face with 12 at the top, and 11 at an eleven o-'clock position. 

And myself at the Center. 

With this image in mind, I can make sense of my having to move to Step Eleven in order for introspection, then forward to Step Twelve to "apply" a program principle to my current affairs. When I needed to reclaim humility and admit where I was still powerless, Step One was easily reachable. In a meeting I might find myself readying to "take" Step Two, because  belief in a Higher Power looks really easy when I see recovery in other program participants' victories.  But then I might naturally move back to the Center of my circle, to reconsider.  And step back into to Step Eleven for integration, introspection and continued prayer. 


I suspect that my recovery had me moving back and forth on this arc, between 11 and 2 until it felt more easeful, and I became ready to move on. 

As I "made up" my own particular dance, I found myself on a moving wheel,  beginning to move naturally through the Steps. With a  bit more practice,  I gained enough experience to strengthen my belief (in Step Two) AND become  willing (in Step Three) to turn my life over more and more to my HP.

With the active faith in a Higher Power, I would find the courage necessary for Step Four.