Because the priority is on having a good family vacation, I've very mixed emotions about seeing my mom. Over the past year and a half, since I joined Al-anon, I have become exposed to darkness in our relationship. I have been changing, making mistakes along the way, the she condemns me for. She has completely stopped looking for the good, and I have chosen to learnt to love myself without her approval. Right now, that is also making our relationship worse. Because she cannot claim much of my life successes, she is now painting me black. This means she not only does not look for the good in me when we talk, but she is frequently pointing out my imagined flaws.
I find that her behavior has taken away my sense of enthusiasm for seeing her. None of my family of three really want to see her, or observe her mistreating me. Still I pray for a miracle, while I know letting go of hope is really the best answer to my gordian knot.
Let go and let God, Smitty.