September 30, 2010

Seeing Around the Next Corner

I missed the chance to study and blog on the  September 27th reading in Courage to Change, when a hard-drive crash on Sunday put my computer in the shop on Monday.  Instead, without realizing it, I practiced the program tool that ends the 27th's reading,  "Just for today, I will try to live through this day only and not tackle all my problems at once."

Interestingly the leader of my noon meeting yesterday chose the 27th's reading as the meeting topic! It was great to feel I was in perfect time for the lesson. I soon learned the lesson addressed our human desire to know the future ahead of time so as to make the right choice now.

In our meeting, our leader brought up an old song from my childhood, "Que sera, sera." What will be, will be.

Yes, I have always wanted to know what would be.   My family of origin taught me I was supposed to intuit the future based on past experience.  My striving to do so in the face of a major international move some years ago, took me to a place of insanity.

Thankfully, that mistake humbled me enough that I was motivated to enter the 12-step rooms of Emotions Anonymous.  As I continue to deepen on my Al-anon recovery, I am even less interested in trying to look around corners in order to solve mine or anyone else's problems.

I learned in surgery a decade back that I was better off not knowing the future. The doctors told me they would not support me in my pregnancy until they had investigated what they believed was endometriosis; I "knew" I had no endometriosis. Good thing I gave up my righteous anger and surrendered to  going under the knife.  If any one of us had known the outcome, we would have been a lot more afraid going into my operation.  The doctors were wrong.  They found a tumor in one ovary that they had not expected.

As it was, the tumor was a surprise when it was found. I was able to revel in gratitude instead,  when we found out it was benign all along. I was also able to get pregnant safely as a result of its removal!

Experience shows me that I am frequently in good hands, when I take time to "relax and seek truth."  Or at least admit I might not know the truth.  The opposite of anger is patience.   When I am patient and attentive, "I will receive all the information I need when the time is right."

"I can trust my Higher Power to lead me through this day so that I will be prepared for the future when it arrives and able to work with whatever it brings. This brings me time to enjoy the many gifts life has to ofer, time that would otherwise be spent worrying."

Today's reminder was simple, "It will shine when it shines." 

Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.  Keep in the sunlight.  ~Benjamin Franklin

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