October 12, 2010

Shattering My Illusions of Love

"The Twelve Steps of our program have led me to a faith in God today which is based on acceptance of the world as it is. I no longer agonize about how the world should be."  
As We Understand

In today's reading, the author needed her husband to get sober, so they could live happily ever after. She could not face the ugly disease that overshadowed every aspect of their relationship nor the emptiness she felt in her own life.  I can relate.  Like her, I had the  idea that a future of bliss awaited me, if only I could get my button-pushing mother to change!

The Program helps me to dispel such illusions, so that I can have a happier life in the present.  As I have acknowledged my powerlessness over my mom's malaise, my fantasies of future peace and unity have had to go. "With the support of the program, I learned to look to myself for happiness and to my own real life for enrichment."  

Today's Reminder
 points out, 
"Recovery can involve as much unlearning as learning." Any rules I've applied in learning how things work, in regards to my current situation,  may need to change. My security cannot be based on simply applying rules.... because situations change.  Security lies  in being who I am, and staying in the moment, with my Higher Power's  help.  

Maybe one day I will have to unlearn the self-sufficiency and the health practices that I am learning with my husband and son.  I may need to find a new balance between care of my  "nuclear" family and helping  out my family of origin as they encounter their own health limitations.  This may involve learning to love my parents differently. 

When any real progress is made, we unlearn and learn anew what we thought we knew before.  Henry David Thoreau


  1. I am always learning something new in recovery.

  2. Indeed, and isn't unlearning its own kind of challenge? Sometimes I think unlearning is just about relaxing enough to let the lesson "work" me.... when I think of unlearning I get all tied up in the frustration of my negative mind, which does not like "going backwards".... over old ground. The resistance is what gets me into trouble....


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~