It was in Al-anon that I learned that if I did not take care of me, I was not being compassionate, I was “enabling.”
If I need to know if one of my actions is enabling, it helps me to look at my emotions. Do I resent what I am doing? If I feel resentment, is this really a loving choice?
Let me look at my motives. Am I doing what I think is best for me? Perhaps I am trying to interfere with the natural consequences of a loved ones choices. Or doing for someone else what I cannot do for myself. Sometimes the most compassionate thing I can do is Live and Let Live (or Live and Let Learn), and let others take responsibility for their own behavior. Their mirror does not need me in it.
I have choices, and so does my dysfunctional family member. A more compassionate way to respond to those I love is to allow them to face the consequences of their painful actions. I will do what is best for me and allow them to do the same, without interfering.
“I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone.” Al-anon faces Alcoholism
These are great considerations-a new turning, perspective- Thanks! I try very hard to work on
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someone elses!
I have to take care of myself. I have to also ask what my motives are for accepting unacceptable behavior. Fear of loss is a big one for me to inventory.
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