Weaving my personal recovery using the fabric of Emotions Anonymous and the healing strands of Alanon.
I'm learning H.O.W. to calm the chaos when my "dry" drunk wreaks havoc.
January 10, 2011
January 10: Living in Today
(Adapted for personal use from Courage to Change in Alanon.)
Today's reading describes my relapse experience to a "T:"
"When I succumb to worry, I open a Pandora’s box of terrifying pictures, paranoid voices and relentless self-criticism. The more attention I play to this mental static, the more I lose my foothold in reality. Then nothing useful can be accomplished."
If only I could turn back time to reclaim the minutes, hours, and days I’ve sacrificed to worry and fear. It's embarrassingly easy to look back and recognize my participation in Thanksgiving's landslide, all because I did not pay attention to signs of relapse! With just the right amount of awareness at the right time, I could have experienced insight and joy at my ability to overcome adversity, instead of giving into self-doubt.
What has helped me keep me from obsessing on my slip this past month, is the gentle resolve "to break the cycle of worry and fear, by learning to focus all my attention on this very moment."
I'm grateful that in my early days of recovery, I gradually learned to "turn away from distructive thoughts and concentrate instead on the sights and sounds around me." I found self-mastery by remaining aware of light and shadows around me, the floor beneath my feet, the rhythm of everyday living—each piece of the here and now.These bits of reality help rescue me from the “what ifs” and “should haves” by anchoring me in the present.
Prayer and meditation, the slogans, and phone calls to friends on my recovery path have all been sources of serenity that bring me back to this moment. As I shut out the noise of negative thinking, I am most receptive to my Higher Power’s will, and therefore much more able to work my own way through difficult times.
I have been given this day to work with. It is enough. When tempted to worry or regret, I can use meditation to help me "gently bring my mind back to today and sanity."
“The past has flown away. The coming months and years do not exist. Ours only is the present’s tiny point.”
I am a member of Emotions Anonymous, which adapts AA's 12 steps for recovery from alcoholism, to recovery from emotional illness. Sojourning in Al-anon, a program for family members of recovering alcoholics, has helped me in dealing with my family, which was impacted by borderline personality disorder. Feel free to read!
If you'd like to the next step and participate daily in a path to emotional healing, using EA's Twelve Steps, please join us our autonomous group on Big Tent at https://www.bigtent.com/groups/emoreroom