January 19: Baby Steps towards Self-Acceptance

It is still January-- I have been contemplating the fact that I have chosen not to have any New Year's resolutions. 

Instead, I've deciding to have a goal in my program this year--to become a little more accepting of myself, a little more comfortable in my own skin. 

Like many of us, I learned early to condemn my self for my imperfections.  This self-condemnation, learned at a parent's knee, has never helped me to appreciate my life or helped me to love myself more.  As an adult I sometimes fight habitual self-condemnation. It might worsen when  another person says something to me that seems to focus on one of my own flaws. Before I add to the hurt, let me remember God does not make junk.  I need not attack anyone else for their "apparent" condemnation, either.

Even after much time in recovery, I still have real limitations and flaws that  are mine alone to discover.   Step Four is where I might take time to write down the things I condemn myself for. With practice I begin to see what triggers condemning thoughts.  I do my best to practice being  aware  of my thoughts, knowing only a trusted Higher Power can remove harsh thoughts and the flaws that trigger them.

I will take time today to acknowledge my efforts and to trust the process of the program.  I need not become impatient with myself, even if someone else gets impatient with me. Let me focus on my own expectations, realizing mine are the only ones I can change. 

Can I let go of all condemnation for this one day?  "Maybe I will see that I am already on a spiritual path of self-improvement. Every tiny step I take on that path moves me closer to wholeness, health and serenity."

It is said that, "ours is a gentle, healing program."  Let me stop expecting that recovery has already happened or that it will happen overnight!  I will remember to be gentle with myself today, trusting that the healing will come. 

"Today I can accept myself for what I am because I know that whatever happens I have a Higher Power and ...people who love me anyway." 

Inspired by January 19th's reading in Courage to Change