(January 9th's reading from Courage to Change in Al-anon is adapted to fit my current focus on mindful and meditation.)
Looking back at this past year I see how much other's recognition of my "successes" counted and how little of my security came from inside of me. Plain fact is that my good feelings depended on pleasing someone else with my performance. Editors and readers come to mind. But even at home, I need my home cooked meals complimented. It is not enough that I know I put love into my cooking efforts. Like the author, I can easily resent it when the the favors I do for my children are not appreciated without my prompting.
The reading continues, "We all need a pat on the back from time to time. But when the applause of others becomes the reason for my behavior and necessary for me to feel satisfied, then I have given them power over me."
Look at how often I forget to thank my Higher Power when grace tilts an outcome in my favor!
Neither God nor I need to take such oversights personally. I need not indulge in self-pity and resentment--they hurt no one else but me. Let me remember that gratitude for my gifts maintains my conscious contact with God. I need not resent the fact that humans forget to express their appreciation when I make things go right at work, at home, at play.
When I learn to "evaluate my own actions and behavior and to value my own judgment," it will be an extra bonus when other humans express approval. But in reality, their approval need not be essential to my serenity. I need to consider that people often overlook the accomplishments of others. They may not be easy to give praise due to their own limitations.
Just for today, I will appreciate myself. I will not look to others for approval; I will provide it for myself. I’ll allow myself to recognize that I am doing the best I can. Today my best is good enough.
“Your vision will become clear when you can look into your own heart.” Carl Jung