February 4: The Solitude of a Loving Higher Power

"[There are days] when I feel like God is punishing me. Once again, I’ve lost image of a loving God and need to recover it."

Today's CTC is deliberate suggesting that should I ever start to believe my Higher Power is a terrorist,  I contact a loving friend in program, read our literature or go to a meeting.

But there are other ways that I am restored to sanity.  I might spend time in solitude, in a place of beauty,  talking with God about how afraid I am. I can linger in the sunshine or look up at the starry night sky and thank God for the good things in my life: the healing power of the program,  the creativity and joy I have in expressing my understanding of its principles, and the gentle acceptance of my loving EA family.  Or I may find God's peace in beautiful music that brings me tears.

"After I have talked it through, I sit and wait until I feel God’s healing touch, reassuring me, drying my tears. Or I feel self-forgiveness and my own reassuring heart beat."

"[I find it interesting that later, just like in giving birth to my son],  I never truly remember the pain [after time spent in God's care.]  What I remember is the .... the peace of the moment, the love of my Higher Power wrapping around me as tangibly [as an arm wrapped round my shoulder].  The pain is gone, but the increased trust in my Higher Power remains."

Whenever I am  in pain, let me remember "a loving God is there for me always, always available as a source of comfort, guidance and peace."

Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self.  -Henri J. M. Nouwen