March 7, 2011

Through My Eyes, Learning Loveliness

Our program helped me to find healthy ways to create change in myself.  It was tough at first to believe I could make such changes; a lifetime in relationship with a person saw me with a disparaging eye, inadvertently fostered self-defeating attitude in me.  Like the author of today's CTC, "I didn't think very highly of myself, so I didn't have much faith that anything good could come of my efforts."

I have been told that I was greedy and selfish before I left home at eighteen, that I took all kinds of resources, and that I "haven't amounted to much."  In program we learn a special alchemy.... to turn such negative seeds into positive, learning we need not be held back by self-defeating attitudes. 

Today I take time to appreciate the loving care of friends I've met in program, who have consistently recognized my inner and outer beauty.  One dear friend taught me something new about teenagers... when she shared her experience with her own growing girls.  After exclaiming over the message I had internalized, she argued that  teens are like caterpillars, preparing to metamorphose into beautiful butterflies!  Just like her daughters... my job as a teenager was to have a healthy appetite! 

The author of today's CTC echoes my friend. "Silkworms are fat greedy creatures, but out of their own substance, they create something beautiful. They have no choice in the matter. They were born to express this beauty."

Today I recognize that I am a beautiful human being.  I was born with a beauty inside me. Over the years I have allowed that beauty to express itself, and have trusted myself to express compassion and tenderness, in spite of the haranguing of my borderline parent.

Our program openly reminds me of my responsibility to "put love first in my life."   Hidden loveliness blooms when I stop denying it is my birthright.  

"Today I can spin a little silk and let it grace everything I touch. I don't have to look back to past ugliness except to learn from it, and to release whatever beauty is trapped behind old secrets and self-defeating attitudes. One day at a time I can delight in the splendid person I am becoming."

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others and the delight in the recognition.  Alexander Smith

No comments:

Post a Comment

I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~