July 20, 2011

Being Fully Self-Supporting

I have come to see how I yearn for another person to anticipate my needs without my having to ask!  This is the ultimate fantasy... But to expect mind-reading is a trap.

From raising my own child,  I have come to understand that my yearning has to do with unmet needs as in childhood. As an infant, I had needs that my parents had to work hard to anticipate and meet.  Often my parents could were unable to accept how dependent I was on them. The gap between my needs and theirs came to a head when I was four, and my mom had her own psychological crisis.

As an adult now,  I can look back with compassion. I can undertake the commitment to grow beyond my childlike fantasies and take responsibility for getting my wants and needs met, not expecting others to do the work for me.

Tradition Seven could be a useful tool in helping me deal with this challenge, for it suggests being fully self-supporting. What if I apply that to myself, too?  What if I act as if I have the ability to support myself emotionally?  I can notice my own growth and courage, and not look so frantically for others to validate me with a pat on the back.

Let me begin my healing, by not expecting anyone to read my mind. When I need or want something, I can let someone know.   If I am not successful in obtaining what  I need, at least I'll know I asked!   If needed, I can move on to ask someone else who might be able to help me.

Even with lots of  "time in" program,  I can speak up and ask for people to CALL ME or  help ME, without feeling ashamed. Growth happens in spirals,  so I am bound to repeat old lessons, but from a new point of view.  Why not share my struggles, so that others can benefit? Giving back is helpful to us all...

I easily admit I have no power over others, but I no longer need to be powerless over me! When needed, I can ask for help and I can help myself... two paradoxes of using this simple program. 

Adapted from Hope for Today, July 19th

1 comment:

  1. Reaching out for help from program friends is important in my recovery. I don't fear their reaction because they "have been there". It is good to have a support base orchestrated by my HP.


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