July 10, 2011

Faith Challenge, Part One

I am in a faith challenge right now, with my program walk.

I find myself strong in my study of the Al-anon, and turning over new leaves in my EA reading and practices.

I find myself pushing at the bounds of my Home program, which I never expected to ever do. And I truly don't want to be here.

I've made my Sponsor concerned and I have also incurred some criticism from a long-time traveller in that program as well.  I just know that I can't apologize for asking the questions of mySELF that I feel moved to ask.

It feels weird to be perceived to be a threat to a group that I have contributed to so much to. Sometimes I feel angry at being misperceived. And it seems like the harder I try to clarify where I stand the worse it seems to get. The message I feel I am getting is to stop trying so hard and let go of others opinions.

I genuinely don't mean to challenge any longer... especially since my son has a broken leg and I have emotional challenges with our upcoming move...  Sheesh. How did I get here?  I just know that everything in me says I can't go back. I am here and I am sharing and am taking it one breath at a time.

Just praying to stay close to my HP and not look to any authority but the quiet still voice within. And to share what I learn a wee bit here and with those that know me face-to-face.

But, because I do have a vulnerability, folks are looking for signs that I am falling.  And that makes me sad, actually.   For I am attempting to be as honest and easy about communication with all the folks that matter to me.   I have come to this place of being mistrusted by reaching out and being gently assertive, which I have not done so matter-of-factly and thoroughly in a long time.

Now on a different note:  Tomorrow we take a look at our son's leg and see how it is healing. If all is healing smoothly, he gets a change of cast to something smaller, lighter. We are also hoping, waterproof....

2 comments:

  1. It is all about balance in life. Hope that things become more settled.

    ReplyDelete

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