August 8, 2011

Back to my Beginnings....

If I were to advise any brand newbie, in doing the program, I'd suggest it works to start by being honest, looking for program in others shares that you aspire to and asking questions about the things you don't understand. Read read read and share early (within your first week) so you can begin find your own voice. Sharing is what helps us grow and here introverts rock.  Take what is helpful and let your HP take the rest (the delete key needs to be used or you'll become a pack-rat ; I know that keeps me from being fully in the present.)  Make yours an authentic program that fits you.  

The steps, like all the other tools in program are guidelines. Some of us naturally jump right into the steps. Step one is very compelling because many of us don't like the idea of powerlessness or unmanageability. So, to be honest, one can even say, "I don't think I am going to 'buy' this step any time soon. First let me tell you  a few of  the ways I disagree."   We as readers are also free to delete if this bothers us. We also know that when you start writing your current truth it is likely to evolve into something that will surprise you and help you see this simple program WORKS.

I remember as a newbie in EA years ago, I shared at a meeting on Step Two, by not having anything of apparent value to say about it. In fact, I did what I thought would get me being ignored or ostracized by the rest of the group, but I had to say it anyways...  "I am angry at my Higher Power because I got to my insanity through no fault of my own."  In fact, this was true.  But again, my truth began to change as soon as I began to speak it openly.  (Now I see variables in my dis-ease and its chronicity and I know what to do to prevent a landslide.) 

After my admission, I was approached by a gentleman after the meeting, who said, "I am so glad you said that. I could relate. And that took courage to say." That was, I believe, my HP saying, "Glad you admitted that one. Got more to get off your chest?"

I learned from that that it is better to stand up for my own beliefs than it is to try to do group think and "act as if" I thought the Steps were great (trying to fit in and people-please and be excellent so I would be appreciated) when at the time I knew the steps were no guarantee of mental health. I felt that those steps were there to shame me and to take my personal voice from me. And sometimes I still feel that way, to be perfectly honest. There are occasions when folks seem to ask me to toe the party line in my public sharing (though not here)... and I feel I am being asked to be a saleswoman. I don't trust salespeople!

But as they say in German, "Das ist mein Bier." (In our program terms that means, "This is my inventory and I am not inviting everyone to do as I am doing."  For I know that my perceptions are not always reality. By speaking them aloud and hearing others thoughts I get to see things afresh.)

Taking it one breath at a time, this first day of school.

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