September 1, 2011

Dealing with Anger in Baby Steps

The Steps can be a way to deal with anger. I can admit I am powerless over it when it arises, and do a Step Two and Three with it.  But, sometimes turning it over in Step Three, does not produce the results I need. I need resolution.

That is when  I take the "baby steps" in my program, using Awareness,  Acceptance and Action.  Baby steps might be a misnomer, for these three give me conscience power to use troubling emotions productively.

I was very aware of my anger yesterday morning.  My DH had a procedure done last week to ascertain if he had a particular kind of cancer. While he got  a "clean bill", he is paying the price of iatragenic (doctor-caused) damage done to his very vulnerable plumbing. Had my husband known about this potential side effect,  he would not have had the procedure done, because the symptoms that sent him to his doctor had already resolved themselves!!!   

I am pissed, in part because I did not do a "look up" online  before he had the procedure. I was so concerned about not being in denial, that I did not look for possible side effects. This was a doctor-recommended procedure.   The first night after the investigatory procedure, my husband had to go to emergency in the wee hours of the night with a problem the doctor had not warned him might occur.   In follow-up to the emergency room trauma, the doctor admitted he was powerless to remedy the tendency towards blockage, without creating worse trauma.   Reliable mainstream websites talks about how, even with surgery to "repair" the problem, eventually the problem returns.  All that his specialized doctor can offer is to put in a catheter or teach my husband how to "do his own" procedure at home!  DH said this was unacceptable.  (Probably a good decision, for  I read that each assault on this vulnerable area of the body can result in more scar tissue forming in the days following.)

My DH now feels like an old man, and he voiced this morning that he feels God is punishing him. Hopefully DH can work on his thinking (not my job) while I seek alternative care for his medical concern.    

At this juncture, I am  still frustrated  at medical procedures that do not keep the hypocratic oath, "first do no harm." I am perturbed at his doctor's attitude that says instead, "Yours is a very rare side effect." I despise denial and the lack of full-disclosure.   I have read in the medical papers online, that doctors recognize this as a problem, have measured it in studies of groups of men and have not found a solution with standard medical procedure. 

So, I am Aware of my anger at DH's iatrogenic damage. I Accept my anger so I can Learn (discern) where it comes from. Is my anger justified?  Then I exercise great care and  do my best not to attach to it.  In this way that I can take effective Action that does not shoot myself in the foot. Writing down my concerns here has already helped me see the situation with greater calmness. 

I have already put in a call to a naturapathic doctor I trust, whose uses acupuncture to heal and remove energy blockages, without side effects.  I found a source online from a man who had this problem repeatedly from childhood who used allopathic treatment, with homeopathy to help him to recovery.    I am seeking a second opinion with an allopathic doctor as well. Thank God DH is willing to show up to both appointments.   

Next "step" of course is prayer. Looking for the silver side to this gray cloud..

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