very much inspired by October 5th's reading in CTC
Whenever I hit a skid and land on my bottom, I am never "back" at the beginning. I am actually on new ground. I must think and act anew. Step One. Do I begin my walk with Angst, Anger or Acceptance? The choices are mine.
Long before I came into program I would think, think and think myself into confusion. I did not see that there was another choice. I can still over-think, and I lose my way.
Somehow I got the message in my more AA-based program, that all thinking was counterproductive. But no, I've come to a more pragmatic place. I see that in program we learn new ways to "Think."
I am learning to take time to just "Think", a little differently each day, and not overdo it.
Today I know not only to acknowledge whatever I feel, but to "choose where I focus my attention." There is a blue sky behind the clouds of this day. Our shared path of 12-step recovery continually challenges me to recognize positive qualities in myself, my circumstances, and other human beings. The structure of the program-- attending meetings, writing down the things that I am grateful for, and talking with other Program members--helps me to Look for the Good.
Thank goodness for the shared vision of program members with whom I interact each day. As I practice Willingness, gradually my attributes, and yours, become apparent to me.
My beautiful spirit has been created for some purpose. I can begin to look for the positive in everything I do and see. In this way, I find that the people and situations I encounter on the river (or Ocean) of life have beauty and purpose. I can, like a boat, ride the turbulent waves. When I let myself face my current rough waters, I will come to know some of the most difficult times in my life have produced the most wonderful changes.
Changing my long-established patterns is not easy. But I am worth the effort of replacing a negative attitude with a positive one.
"Sometimes I go about pitying myself
And all the while I'm being carried across the sky
By beautiful clouds." ~Indian saying
I do not know where to fit Steve Jobs' momentous passing in this share, but I feel moved to say, "I love that you were a deep and wide thinker. I hope this was a good day to die. May your spirit find itself in good company."