Because I see things from many different sides, I usually can see where and when I need to change. I've been able to trust myself, in the past. Sometimes I've had need to conform and, when appropriate, to lead in some small way. Right now, I am up against some growing edge in myself. It is hard to put into words!
Simply put, I am working on key aspects of my 4th step these past three months, and then checking with my HP to see if/how they are character flaws. The verdict is still out. I am as other program sojourners have said, "a work in progress."
Also I have been working (on my mental back burner) to see my relapse last year in light of the program, so that others who might slip as bad as I did, would not judge themselves too harshly. It came together for me yesterday and so I shared.
I don't easily see things in black and white. Except in black and white photography, and art, most of us see the world in color.
This exploration reminds me of creativity. Since mentioning it in the alphabet work... I recalled ... that once upon a time, an Intergroup workshop in the Southeast US was done on this topic. I was surprised that the workshop was only lightly attended. Some of the things I took home from that workshop were crafty and coloring oriented. Different for me, as I rarely feel inclined to color. Coloring was not exactly what came to mind when I thought of creativity.
Alas, when I look back to my childhood, I remember feeling really hemmed in, when the goal of an exercise was to stay within lines. I always wanted to know why, and to experiment instead, and the reaction to whatever correction I received was to feel shamed. Once in program recently, I was told that I don't appear to want to color inside the lines. I knew the person behind the message, which made it easy to have a conversation about this. I found the person was sharing this feedback with love and acceptance. Even appreciation. That was the first time I saw my discomfort with coloring as a simple aspect of personal choice. Not a defect.
We tend to like to do what we are good at. Maybe the world is a place where some color and some sketch, and some create new blank space in which to explore?
To conclude this musing.... I continue to find creativity is important to me, and I sometimes wonder how to foster creativity in others so as to retain more of us folks who don't easily fit in boxes. To have creativity in our groups, I have seen that sometimes we need to suffer the eccentric.
Funny thing is, I never WANTED to be that ECCENTRIC one, but for the sake of making more room at our tables I am have proved myself willing to be one. Lord knows I have been willing to listen as well. That is part of H.O.W. we work the program. More by listening than criticizing.
Not sure what I have said here or why, exactly. Just trusting that honesty is a good thing.