January 16, 2012

The Power of Gratitude

I have found at the lowest points in my emotional journey, gratitude creates the steps for me to walk in faith again.

So I will share some of what I am grateful for.

I am grateful that I had the chance to have my own family. We had to stop at number one, and he's about to turn thirteen. On his dad's birthday. Amazing.

I am very grateful that when I had my first breakdown in 1991, that my husband did NOT leave me at my mom's house to stabilize.  Oh, it could easily happened. Thankfully, my husband intervened and  we saw a psychiatrist the day before my husband was supposed to leave alone... following the travel itinerary I had set up while I was sane. The doctor, who was a complete stranger to us,  asked some low-key questions that helped us decide my husband was my best support, not my parents. This was a time when humility served me well. Amen. 

I am very grateful that my son made it through my worst of times; he has seen me deconstruct four times since he turned four and so has my husband. They have not given up on me, and no one has sent me home to my parents yet.  That used to be my biggest fear, being sent back to the home I escaped at eighteen.  Now I realize that my HP will take care of me even if "going home again" is my fate.

I am grateful for our EA program and the Sister program that has taught me about boundaries. Al-anon has particularly taught me to detach with love from my fooey origins and focus on the one life I have.

I am grateful that I have learned the difference between solitary time which restores me, and isolation.

Whenever I hit MY bottoms, the first step just seems so big, that I restart my program tools baby-stepping. I am grateful for the variety of program tools that come to my aid when it SEEMS the steps might just trip me up.

"The struggle ends when the gratitude begins."  ~Neale Donald Walsch

1 comment:

  1. Lots to be grateful for. You have a good family. And the baby steps are okay.


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