Weaving my personal recovery using the fabric of Emotions Anonymous and the healing strands of Alanon.
As a daughter of a parent with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, I'm learning H.O.W. to calm the chaos when my "dry" drunk wreaks havoc.
December 23, 2012
Awaken and Be Kind!
I was reading recently from my favorite spiritual teacher.
She reminded me that when I meditate, the practice is for me to be aware, not asleep. I am sure sleepy this time of year when the days are short.
Ah but my spiritual
work is to wake up!
It is not my job to receive outside recognition, even for my most-loved vocation. Oh I try, and do my darnedest to make my world support and praise me. Yet, if I have inner demons, they will keep knocking until I learn the lesson from them that I need to learn. Once I am open and friendly, interestingly my demons tend to appear as friendly warmhearted companions....
My teacher's words made me realize I can be exactly the same as someone else in my life, even have the same family or the same body. Yet one of us could take this life to wake up, and the other could use it to be ever more resentful and sour.
I asked myself, "What are you going to do with what you have already, Smitty? With your own body, voice, and mind?” What if you become curious and allow empathy for all that is in your circle? Get to know what asks for your attention, for it is bound to stick around long enough for you to learn your lesson.
Today, just be aware of yourself. How you interact with others during this time you are with family, or in how you spend the time alone. Let even wiping your bottom be a reminder that whatever you are doing is being done now. Now is all that matters: not some past mistake, nor some future illusory "punishment." Nor can we count on future reward.
Mindfulness is what trains us to be here now. Imagination may take us into fantasies of the past and future, that keep us from being present and therefore hurt us. Instead be very kind and be here right now, and see what you find.
In 1990, I became a member of Emotions Anonymous, which adapts AA's 12 steps for recovery from alcoholism, to recovery from emotional illness. My serenity has deepened through sojourning in Al-anon, a program for family members of recovering alcoholics. Though alcoholism skipped several generations in my family, the Al-anon readings speak directly to my issues growing up with a person suffering from borderline personality disorder. My adaptation of Al-anon readings to my emotional travails may benefit you. If so, please read and feel free to comment.
If you'd like to the next step and participate daily in a path to emotional healing, using EA's Twelve Steps, please email me privately and I'll invite you to the new EA forum on Big Tent.