August 25, 2010

Putting Awareness before Anger

Yesterday's reading from Courage to Change all rings true for me. This time the unaltered parts are in quotes; anything unquoted is my own words and story.

"I'm usually such a gentle, easy-going person that you'd never believe what happens when I get angry. I fly into a rage, my blood pressure seems to double, and I unleash a torrent of profanity. After years in our program, my anger is still a problem, but my behavior has greatly improved."

I've always felt that it was more honest to communicate anger than to stuff it. Fortunately, I can
speak my anger just fine to other adults. It continues to be a challenge with my dry drunk parent.

Since becoming a mom myself, I find adult words did not work in my child's early years. That is when the anger would seem to blaze out of control, like gasoline was poured on it. I found it a special challenge to discipline myself when I also needed to discipline my son! I still find it bewildering that anger can cause such violent change in me. On a bad day, I storm out of the house, because my anger is too big for me to handle and I am afraid of what I will do with it. And shame trails right along behind me like a stream of toilet paper stuck to my foot.

Outside, Nature usually lets me have perspective on this problem emotion, so I can come back in and say what really needed to be said. And think up a preventative strategy for next time.

Yesterday's reminder begins, " I am human and I get angry, but I don't have to act out my anger in destructive ways. I do not have the right to take it out on others."

I like questions. What is my usual response when I get angry? Next time, let me try something new.
Let us not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness. James Thurber

1 comment:

  1. So true. I seldom feel hot anger any more. And Naure is my HP in many ways.


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