Yesterday's reading from Courage to Change all rings true for me. This time the unaltered parts are in quotes; anything unquoted is my own words and story.
"I'm usually such a gentle, easy-going person that you'd never believe what happens when I get angry. I fly into a rage, my blood pressure seems to double, and I unleash a torrent of profanity. After years in our program, my anger is still a problem, but my behavior has greatly improved."
I've always felt that it was more honest to communicate anger than to stuff it. Fortunately, I can
speak my anger just fine to other adults. It continues to be a challenge with my dry drunk parent.
Since becoming a mom myself, I find adult words did not work in my child's early years. That is when the anger would seem to blaze out of control, like gasoline was poured on it. I found it a special challenge to discipline myself when I also needed to discipline my son! I still find it bewildering that anger can cause such violent change in me. On a bad day, I storm out of the house, because my anger is too big for me to handle and I am afraid of what I will do with it. And shame trails right along behind me like a stream of toilet paper stuck to my foot.