October 19, 2010

Retracing my Path, to Know it More Profoundly

I slipped and went splat in a pit of depression yesterday. 

This morning, just typing these words from yesterday's (October 18th's) CTC was a comfort,    "As we pursue recovery, we may encounter opportunities to deepen learning we began long ago."

I shared the entire reading, unedited,  with another program friend who suffers chronic depression. Now I reshape the rest, below,  to fit my own experience more exactly.

My recovery has helped me learn to  detach from a particular problem person.  Now I find myself facing the remaining splinters of that person's thinking... inside of me.  In dealing with festering emotional wounds, it did feel like I had forgotten everything I knew....

Today I can to remember that though my feelings may be the same as when I slipped long ago,  I have changed, more than I know.

When I let myself remember how much healing has already happened for me, the "experiences, strength and hope I have accumulated [are] guiding my choices. I may not recognize it right now, but I have made progress, and I continue to make progress with every step I take." 

Am I in the midst of relearning something I thought I'd already learned?  Let me see this as a chance to know it more deeply. Why not have my life be the same kind of endeavor as becoming the master of an instrument?   I can go through this experience with greater awareness, remembering to turn more easily to a program friend or to my Higher Power, not hesitating this time to ask for help when I need it.   

I have not failed because I am learning a difficult lesson once more.  This "re-vision" may be part of a long-term healing process that requires repetition and practice. I may be given this as a chance to learn my lesson well, so it can become "an automatic, confident, and healthy response."

The human mind always makes progress, but it is a progress in spirals.

Madame de Stael


  1. Even such trite occupation as playing a violin requires repetition and practice--years of it. Any worthwhile endeavor must need the same.

    If we 'keep coming back' we can survive, grow, and then help others. What more is there here?

    Steve E

  2. I am not sure what happens to my replies sometimes! Steveroni, I wrote you a reply here and I am not sure why it is gone, now!

    At any rate, I modified my post a bit to reflect your perspective. Yes, anything worth doing well is worth repetition. Maybe it is because we have lost this wisdom, that 12-step programs have their place in our society today. Thank God for that. Our stories are worth telling and retelling and... revision...

  3. I am glad that you were able to get yourself out of the depression. I find that when I feel down, I get myself back to where I need to be in a much shorter time than before. Recovery is awesome.

  4. Yes, I love the power of this program to help me get back on my feet! I found my thinking doesn't get me there. Reaching out to others who know program principles, is the way!


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~