I slipped and went splat in a pit of depression yesterday.
This morning, just typing these words from yesterday's (October 18th's) CTC was a comfort, "As we pursue recovery, we may encounter opportunities to deepen learning we began long ago."
I shared the entire reading, unedited, with another program friend who suffers chronic depression. Now I reshape the rest, below, to fit my own experience more exactly.
My recovery has helped me learn to detach from a particular problem person. Now I find myself facing the remaining splinters of that person's thinking... inside of me. In dealing with festering emotional wounds, it did feel like I had forgotten everything I knew....
Today I can to remember that though my feelings may be the same as when I slipped long ago, I have changed, more than I know.
When I let myself remember how much healing has already happened for me, the "experiences, strength and hope I have accumulated [are] guiding my choices. I may not recognize it right now, but I have made progress, and I continue to make progress with every step I take."
Am I in the midst of relearning something I thought I'd already learned? Let me see this as a chance to know it more deeply. Why not have my life be the same kind of endeavor as becoming the master of an instrument? I can go through this experience with greater awareness, remembering to turn more easily to a program friend or to my Higher Power, not hesitating this time to ask for help when I need it.
I have not failed because I am learning a difficult lesson once more. This "re-vision" may be part of a long-term healing process that requires repetition and practice. I may be given this as a chance to learn my lesson well, so it can become "an automatic, confident, and healthy response."
The human mind always makes progress, but it is a progress in spirals.
Madame de Stael