October 20th's CTC closes with a favorite program mantra: "Just for today, I will be unafraid. Especially, I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful...and what is lovely in life."
Before our program, I denied myself the chance to experience beauty because I was afraid of relapse, and then I was afraid of my dry drunk's voice in my head, telling me that I had not amounted to anything. I am being more aware of that voice and questioning its truth, thanks to the slogan, "Think."
"I've lost many, many hours waiting to solve a problem or be free of a character-defect." That is thinking taken too far-- enough already! Today I am learning to be a child again and see the world with eyes of wonder, not judgment.
I spent hours in my backyard as a child, on my back, gazing up at the sky, awed by its enormity. I have a suburban backyard today that also has a big sky above it and pine trees that scent the air. I don't take the hours today to simply take pleasure, but I do what I can.
"Appreciating life's simple gifts may take some practice, but as I become more aware of the beauty that is all around me, it gets easier to appreciate the beauty within."
I do my deep water aerobics each week, beneath a sign that reads,
"Today is the day the Lord hath made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."