Sharing is Hope

I often wonder how some folks in our program are able to keep their own counsel and listen for many meetings before they finally share.    I share at nearly every meeting. But just like the author of today's CTC, I limited my shares to things I had already solved. My reasons were different: I felt I needed to be a "good" example at meetings.  As an old timer, I did not want to admit I had slips. Wouldn't that lead others to think the program did not work?   So, I concealed my problems, trying to do my work by myself.  


As time went on, I noticed I would get challenges that, were I more humble,  I would have shared. Only when I admitted my shortcomings and realize it was OK to be an equal, with ongoing unsolved problems,  "did I begin to enjoy the spiritual growth promised in the Twelve Steps."

"The paradox of self-honesty is that I  need the help of others to achieve it. I need their support to explore my feelings and motives, and to see that others have benefited from taking this great risk."  I have nothing to prove and no one to disappoint but myself, when I keep it secret, that (no matter how long I have been in program) I am still a work in progress. 

In my family of origin, I had good reasons to hide my feelings, making light of serious situations, managing to focus on everything but myself.  I was supposed to be healed in order to be worthy of love.  With program I can admit where I am still in my Maker's hands.  I can quiet myself enough to hear "what my heart has been trying to tell me."  Once I know my heart's feelings, I can share them with someone trustworthy.  

"It may feel like an enormous risk, but talking honestly about the situation is the key to healing."  In All Our Affairs

When we become aware that we do not have to escape our pains, but that we can mobilize them into a common search for life, those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope. Henri Nouwen.