Resolve to find thyself, and to know that he who finds himself, loses his misery. Matthew Arnold
Living in a dysfunctional family left me with damaged self-esteem.
Inwardly I told myself I was never enough, that I am ever the "bad person", unworthy of love. Sometimes I would feel I was irretrievably broken... with wounds too deep to and wide to ever heal. When I take the time and compassion to really listen to my inner voice, It is the core beliefs beneath my worst memories in life, that continue to hurt me. No wonder I feel wounded still!
In Step Five we, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." What is the exact nature of my wrongs? Is it what I have done to others, through dishonesty or angry words?
How many of my wrongs are based on a faulty sense of self? I believe the exact nature of my wrongs, are the things I've done to myself, without even having to say a word. Unspoken, self-defeating assumptions can adversely affect my thoughts and actions.
With God's help, and the guidance of a Fifth Step Sponsor, I can begin to discern whether how much truth there is to these assumptions. That is why Step Five is so enlightening and cleansing. When I share my self-portrait with others, I find they often see me with a kinder eye than I do. With the help of a Higher Power I can change life-long patterns. I can learn to see myself with more loving eyes.