November 6, 2010

Step Five: Letting Someone See My True Nature

Resolve to find thyself, and to know that he who finds himself, loses his misery.  Matthew Arnold

Living in a dysfunctional family left me with damaged self-esteem. 

Inwardly I told myself I was never enough, that I am ever the "bad person", unworthy of love. Sometimes I would feel I was irretrievably broken... with wounds too deep to and wide to ever heal.  When I take the time and compassion to really listen to my inner voice,  It is the core beliefs beneath my worst memories in life, that continue to hurt me. No wonder I feel wounded still!

In Step Five we, "Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." What is the exact nature of my wrongs? Is it what I have done to others, through dishonesty or angry words?

How many of my wrongs are based on a faulty sense of self?  I believe the exact nature of my wrongs, are the things I've done to myself, without even having to say a word.  Unspoken, self-defeating assumptions can adversely affect my thoughts and actions.

With God's help, and the guidance of a Fifth Step Sponsor, I can begin to discern whether how much truth there is to these assumptions.  That is why Step Five is so enlightening and cleansing.  When I share my self-portrait with others, I find they often see me with a kinder eye than I do.  With the help of a Higher Power I can change life-long patterns. I can learn to see myself with more loving eyes. 


  1. I am ratting on my disease of denial: A hope has morphed overnight into a nasty resentment-
    How did that occur? it must have over-cooked
    when I was asleep -? I dealt with it swiftly this morning; and will see if vigilance helps.Apply steps 1-5, then onward!

  2. A hope morphed into an expectation? I get that one. Wonder how many others that happens for, in our programs, and they stop coming back?

    Good work, Izzy, is you have a practice that helps you put such set backs into perspective...

    How is indeed an effective question... if I don't get an understanding from that question, I might start over with Who, what, when, where. THEN as how. Gentle, probing questions really work for me when something in my recovery goes awry....

  3. The dysfunctional family situation was where I adapted habits that helped me survive at the time. The results that carried over into adulthood were not the best ones to use. I'm glad that I have learned how worthwhile I am and that I have choices today.


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~