November 11, 2010

Thy Will, Not Mine: The Path to Sanity

It was Einstein who was first credited with the definition of insanity we used in our Programs, "... doing something the same way over and over again and expecting different results."

It is common for many of us to control people, places, and things, believing that our way is the correct way. What brought me into program was the evidence that  my way, based on insisting on my will, had finally become unsustainable. It was an insane way to live.

Step Three, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him," helped me to stop running my show all by myself. I made the decision to turn away from an insane life towards a saner one.  At first, I decided to let my will be guided by God's will.

Today, when my will lets me down, I no longer continue running around in circles.  I am willing to admit  defeat and trust a source of genuine help. 

I agree, in my own way, with the author of today's reading in CTC,  "I may find it easier to point to 'my dry drunk's' irrational or self-destructive choices.  It is harder to admit that my own behavior is not always been sane."

It's been too easy to react to the jabs of my dysfunctional parent and blame them for my anger.   I am finding it more peaceful to admit that my own self-righteous anger is also insane.   I can let go of insisting upon being heard or validated by someone who is living in their disease.  When I learn to let God be my sounding board instead, I make my sanity a first priority.

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, any one can start from now and make a brand new end."  As We Understand

1 comment:

  1. I have heard that when I point a finger at someone else, there are several pointing back at me. That is so true. I need to look at my own behavior.


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