January 13, 2011

January 13: Merciful Company during Dark Nights

(Adapted for personal use from today's reading in Courage to Change in Alanon.)

The farther I travel in my commitment to EA, the more I see that all our programs' existence is Higher Power guided.  The Higher Power that is at work in our twelve steps allows each of us to find spiritual healing, regardless of our belief or lack of it. Lately I am exploring a path that is not based on a deity and that works too. Truly, our gentle program has allowed me to develop my own concept of God.  Having received such grace, I want others to have that same freedom. 

Until I could think of God in terms that were meaningful to me, I was not able to decide to turn my life over to the care of a Higher Power.   So you can imagine that Step Three was at first a mighty struggle for me.  I was so stoic that I just kept on, working with a Sponsor who was thankfully a pretty open-minded atheist!

Even after almost twenty years, enhancing my recovery by joining a Sister fellowship, my  understanding of a Higher Power (AKA God) continues to evolve. My faith changes and grows along with me as I grow spiritually. How great that has been, because I now sense that the  Higher Power working besides me is as alive as I am!  "Never did I believe I could find a Source of serenity, courage and wisdom as this."

There is a sense of Higher Purpose to my journey, enriched more each day as I take time to be aware of my breath and the miracle of being alive.  I am at peace knowing I am the only one who can live my life's purpose.  

My relapse  brought back memories of that long ago time when  I was afraid to live life for me. There was no well-constructed bridge between my childhood and adult life. "I did not know how to  live an interdependent life, largely because I did not  think there was anyone to show me how to do it.   My life is fully my own today because I found the help of the God of my understanding. "  Cloaked in a faith that fits me, "I can hold right to my course, and meet the future with confidence.  Now I have a resource that is within me, to guide me along. It is a paradox that I am no longer alone on this journey."

“In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.” Albert Camus

1 comment:

  1. Good for you Smitty. I sometimes wonder if I truly have turned my will and my life over to the God of my understanding.


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