January 30, 2011

January 29: Am I controlling?

Today's CTC begins, "Many of us learn the value of self-expression in our 12-step program. We discover how we feel and benefit from giving voice to those feelings when it seems appropriate. But there is a difference between expressing ourselves and using words to control others." 

Am I am trying to control someone else or am I simply expressing my feelings?  "If I mention something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control.  If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable—agrees with what I’ve said or takes my advice—then I know I have lost my focus."

Let me not use my recovery as an excuse to justify my efforts to change other people’s thinking. Let me  promptly admit such mistakes and put my energy back where it belongs by focusing on myself.

“We should have much peace if we would not busy ourselves with the sayings and doings of others.”  Thomas a Kempis


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  2. Re-reading this today I am reminded of the difference between caring and sharing, and micromanaging. I'm considering whether I find it helpful to act as "piano police" for my son, or whether I need to stop crossing the line to force an outcome that meets My need for progress.


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~