January 31: Humbly Asking for Change, on God's Terms

After years of working the 12-steps to the best of my ability, I found myself stuck in self-pity and resentment over my dysfunctional family member's inability to give me the emotional support I wanted. One evening during a meditation on the Sixth and Seventh Steps, three words seemed to flash into my mind:    We were entiredly ready to have God remove all these defects of character, and.... we humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 

I suddenly realized that much of my zealous working the program had still been an exercise of my own limited power.  My ah-ha was the realization that I needed to Let Go and Let God,  in  order to free myself from problem thinking and habits that take me ever away from sanity!

With a new and sincere humility, I asked God to remove my shortcomings. When I finally could look at my broken family member as they were, it was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes. My self-pity and resentments vanished like vapor in the sunlight.I saw her suffering and lack of self-love. I also had more compassion for my willful approach to changing her! 

"I want to be ready for shortcomings to be removed, and I will do what I can to prepare.  I can [practice] a  non-judgemental awareness of myself, accept what I discover, and become fully willing to change. But I lack the power to heal myself. Only my Higher Power can do that!"

This quote, from The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage, awakens a new understanding of Steps 2 and 3,  "I accept that fact that I need help in being restored to sanity, and that I cannot do that without help.”