February 22, 2011

The Gift of Self-Acceptance

This post is inspired by the February 20th reading from CTC: 

For a long time now, I have known that I did not have to accept unacceptable behavior. Yet, it took me many bouts of trial and error to understand that fighting to change someone else's behavior could be a fruitless activity.   So I am learning to make other choices: to let go of trying,  and to put hope and faith into relationships with people who want change.  

I've found it has really helped to remember that I am powerless over other people as well as my emotions.   I have set some limits and begun to honor them for myself. More and more I know exactly what is acceptable to me. With my HP's help, I have learned to unhook from problem people before they hurt me.  

I still have problems in dealing with my dysfunctional family member. Just for today, I can congratulate myself for taking a healing break from them. Silence is better than threats or punishment, in dealing with their unacceptable behavior. 

In the quiet aftermath of my decision to detach and put the focus on self care, I have come to see there is  one person from whom I readily accept the unacceptable.  Me. I berate myself for my own shortcomings--at home, in my writing and with my son.  When write down or speak aloud what I say to myself, I am floored, because I would not accept that from my borderline parent. I would never tell my friends what I tell myself. Maybe it is time to act as if I am the valued friend I most need to respect. 

My prayer: Dear One, Help me heal from my disease of attitude! Let me feel the deep recovery that comes from treating myself with kindness.

"It is me who is my enemy.. Me who beats me up...Me who makes the monsters..Me who strips my confidence..."  Paula Cole

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