The April 5th reading in EA's Today book reminds me of the place a tenth-step mini-inventory plays in my day-to-day life.
One way to look at step Ten is as an invitation to be "aware of my wrongdoings as they occur."
One way to look at step Ten is as an invitation to be "aware of my wrongdoings as they occur."
Awareness alone won't remove my wrongdoings. And action, while important, can be too reactionary (when I am too eager to be rid of my wrongdoings), creating its own problems.
Admitting and accepting my wrongs are best first actions. With acceptance, I can begin to see how the ineffective habits that led to my wrongdoings alienate me from other people, and from myself.
To me the goal of acceptance is self-forgiveness--making amends to myself. Only by self-acceptance can I make amends. Yet paradoxically, as I make amends, I am encouraged to give up the character liabilities that contributed to my wrongdoing. In making amends first to myself, I ask my HP for help in handling each of my shortcomings (Steps 6 and 7). "I will not only take personal inventory, but I will also ask God to turn my [ineffective habits] into positive actions."
I thank you, God for allowing me to release my guilt and use your forgiveness to become the person I am meant to be. HP, help me to begin the process of doing a daily inventory, with the goal of asking You to turn my defect into positive action, and surrendering myself to you through the practice of Step Eleven.
I had to make amends to myself first. I had such self-hatred when I first came in. In fact, I hated just about everybody--there was so much anger. Amazing what this program can do.
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