In church, I'd already had permission to treat myself with consideration. Instead of the pretty face most people in groups give to this Hallmark holiday, our wise minister spent some gentle and reflective time acknowledging that not all of us find it easy to honor our mothers on Mother's Day. Not everyone has fond memories of the one that gave them Life. We feel conflicted, stuck between our hopes and reality. Many of us are challenged by the idea of even being comfortable in their presence.
By 5:30 in the evening, I'd decided I could "handle" what came my way from my mom, and let my fingers do the walking to her home. Instead of her voice, the answering machine picked up. As I considered whether to leave a message, the darn machine hung up on me! I am grateful that I know when to quit. I did not force things by calling back, instead I went on about my other business, enjoying my own personal Mother's Day.
I am glad to have an understanding of a Higher Power, expressed through powerful examples, through whom I've learned to also nurture myself. Yesterday, my husband and son encouraged me to take a day and do anything but work. Unless I really wanted to work! Yoga was part of my nurturing yesterday, and then my EA meeting. We finished a beautiful sunny day with going out to eat, after the "boys" had participated in a satisfying baseball practice.
As I considered how I have been mothered in my life, I found it helpful to focus on those who were able to nurture me in the ways I needed. I am learning to put aside regret as I consider the one Mother I was given by birth. I only get one such mother in this lifetime. But from following my heart and loving the women who have helped me shape myself into what I WANTED to be, I have found true love... from (and for) those that mothered me with no strings attached, for myself as a mother, and for the child I was given to mother.
I seem to have made peace with the day, for this year. I am glad for our program, which always encourages me to be completely honest, while looking for the good in my current life. I no longer let my happiness be dependent on whether my mom can express her love for me. My own nuclear family is enough, just for today.