May 22, 2011

A Family Good-bye

As I write this my maternal family: aunts and one remaining uncle and many many cousins and their children are preparing to enter the funeral home for my uncle A's wake. 

I returned to my home town yesterday from my trip up North and I want to share.

First, I am very grateful for the blessings of our program tools. For me, detaching with love has been a very powerful mantra in dealing with our family's loss. 

My uncle passed just hours before I began my journey to be with his family. I left my home at 7:30 Wednesday morning for the airport.  But he passed at 5:00 am on Wednesday.... and I woke at 6:00 to hear my husband talking on the phone to my cousin.   There were about fifteen minutes of wondering... if should I change my plans to attend the funeral instead? And I decided to go with the faith and continue forward motion. The shuttle to the airport was paid for... my ticket non-refundable, my son set to spend time with neighborhood I rested my fear against the commitment I'd already made...
The entire journey was one continuous process of looking at all that my Inner Critic wanted to say, and telling It,  "Well, you could be right, I am in the wrong time at the wrong place.... but there is no denying the reality that I am here now."

I was not able to stay for the funeral (it is being held tomorrow), but I had my own private viewing with my uncle's wife and son, and her sister and eldest daughter. 
While I am my mother's daughter (I even look uncannily like her), I am a long ways away from being under her power. In the days preceding this trip, I learned for sure that I can handle MYSELF with my mother under trying circumstances.  I am relieved too that mom is afraid of death, because she could not muster up the courage to come and attend.  That meant, I was able to be present to my relatives without having  a concern in the world about mom's potential to be a maelstrom.   

Lastly I want to share that today I see that my uncle and aunts have similar ways of dealing with my mom.  How good to have my maternal family as a powerful reality check!
So grateful for all the easy understandings my HP has given me. How very grateful that I have no OTHER family members with her disorder. And no alcoholics either.  Nothing short of a miracle, so my HP must have a hand in this!

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