May 15, 2011

Looking for the Good, Praying for Release from My Inner Critic

I really do think my mom is pretty much unable to be helpful.  So instead I listened to my own heart. I really don't want to have regrets and I love the family that has become my family, despite my mom's wishes to the contrary.

I am very grateful that I decided to make the trip north to be with my maternal family, while my uncle is dying.  I have long missed the strong spirit of my uncle A,  his sturdy frame, his  humor and love of life!   I'd hoped for him to regain health, but knew it was unlikely.  Today I heard that his breathing was more and more labored, almost beginning to rattle. 

I am grateful for the wherewithal to have made the commitment to go, making my reservations based on what I deemed possible and necessary, not listening to my mom's frantic caveats on Friday NOT to go and "make drama." I may only make it in time for the chaos of decision-making before his funeral is held.  This is the only time I have to go, and so I will go. I am trusting that my HP will help me with keeping my emotional strength for the journey,  and a safe return. 

I must always remember that there is NO ONE in my life who treats me meanly any more except the voices of "people past" who I have largely escorted out of my life. An old boyfriend who I left 25 years ago,  and my mom, who is 3000 miles away.  

No one today talks meaner to me than my mom (nada) and my Inner Critic.   I refuse to accept it from my mom, and  I am praying that my Inner Critic is quietly learning it is not needed on this journey North. Wonder if there is a way to leave him/her/it  behind on this trip?

1 comment:

  1. I heard someone call it the little bitty shitty committee. I think that you will do fine. Practice the principles and trust your HP.


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