June 14, 2011

Meditating on the Hurt, of Boundaries....

I have used a particular path in my recovery,  only to be told that I cannot use it any more.  It was done lovingly, but very firmly. The boundary is right there in black and white in an email, yet I am yearning to go back into the field where I did my serious wordplay. Resisting the urge is taking quite a bit from me. Makes me wonder if  the best thing for my recovery may be to leave that forum and live my program here and face-to-face.  

Boundaries. I like them when I am setting them.  Or maybe it is not a matter of liking, but knowing the action is needed.

When the boundary is set for  or because of me, I am left wondering... what I have done wrong. Or feeling I have been wronged.  The shame I felt in my meditation tonight, once I slowed down and looked inside, led to a quiet but constant flow of tears.

In my face-to-face EA group, members share from movies, therapy and whatever helps them articulate their steps and tools. Our group conscience has led members to that place of acceptance.  And online, here online, I can just BE and share as I feel moved. Paraphrase from any program I like that helps me.

My share tonight has to do with the use of quotes from outside wisdom... in my shares on another  program's forum. I know the trustees  are technically right... but they are also wrong when it comes to my feelings. They are also wrong when I compare the readings from EA to those from Alanon. A few quotes here and there, would make a world of our already good literature. In Alanon, there are quotes included at the end of each daily reading.  In Alanon.... ah, but comparisons, aren't they obscene.

Instead, let me be glad I have this sanctuary, where I can share as I need to and use all the quotes I need, in order to support my program or lend an alternate perspective...


  1. totally identify, thank you for the post!

  2. "Our common welfare should come first: personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity."

    Accepting boundaries is part of recovery, whether we like those boundaries, dislike them, or feel they are utterly nonsensical.

    It's a matter of respect; that, and accepting that we are not always in the right.

  3. TAAAF, I truly get it from the matter-of-fact way you say it. Usually I am the first to get behind a principle or tradition, these days. Yet here I balk. I don't think it is all about me, on this one. But I cannot take my words further without argument. And then, I begin to feel too ernest and then, powerless. So this one is an inside job. It is something I don't have to convince any one of, necessarily. Just something I need to experience fully, love myself, and go to the forums where, sharing naturally using quotes is ALSO allowed.

    Maybe I am learning that there is a time and a place to stand by myself and breathe, and not feel I must be always and forever a part of a specific group... in order to be healed.

  4. Smitty, I am sorry if I was too blunt in my post to you. I know that it would benefit greatly to have all literature. But that could be done in a reading group before the meeting as we have done in my home group. It is not a WSO approved group but one that we simply do to be able to study and share more recovery literature. I hope that all will go well to ease the hurt.

  5. Syd, you are meaning in your response to your email? No, you expressed a boundary and I was still trying to get myself to consider swallowing, first.

    Truly, your note was perfectly fine. I am needing the empathy and the other ideas... like the one you just shared in this post.

    I appreciate both the clear uncompromising boundary (even if I balk!!) and the ideas that give me permission to ... do things my way... realizing group consensus is always an ingredient in the mix...


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~