June 17, 2011

Pondering the Healthiness of "Utterly Non-Sensical" Boundaries...

The First Tradition in Our Program reads, "Our common welfare should come first: personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity."

TAAAF commented on my post Meditating on the Hurt of Boundaries with, 
"Accepting boundaries is part of recovery, whether we like those boundaries, dislike them, or feel they are utterly nonsensical.  It's a matter of respect; that, and accepting that we are not always in the right."
I agree.  But.. accepting boundaries even when I "feel they are utterly nonsensical" is not where a healthy life lies for me, unless I am a child and need a parent running my show.
I have had enough of parenting. My program is about parenting myself and listening closely when the small still voice draws me upright and says, "Say what? I have to prove that I am respectful, by obeying something nonsensical?"
My program in Alanon has a one-word Slogan and it is Think. My personal walk with discerning that I was duped in my childhood was the word, Discern. Feel it with your body. The body does not lie.  My body and my psyche also have a sense of smell. 
Now don't get me wrong, I am not going to run through the boundary sticking out my tongue to make a point.  What I am going to do is say this, I am taking the time to listen to my own still voice and put no one else's traditions ahead of self-honesty.
My very best goes out to all of you program believers. I will meet you on the other side.


  1. Smitty, I left a comment about boundaries, that's all - it wasn't a personal attack, or commentary upon you as a person in recovery. It sounds as though you've taken personally, what was meant generally. I belive that learning to respect boundaries with good grace, even when we don't agree with them, is a sign of maturity.
    That's just my opinion, for what it's worth. On your blog, you say that you "welcome our thoughts" - so I offered mine.

  2. Thank you for taking time to clarify. I am, alas, still looking inside myself and finding a place that is not fully accepting.

    Until then, I am grateful for face-to-face meetings. Going to get myself to one!


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~