October 11, 2011

Analysis in Perspective?

As I began my recovery,  it was suggested that I  learn about my emotions. I read eagerly, with a fever. As is my way, I began by analyzing everything our Program had to say. 

 "What would be the logical outcome of believing in a Power greater than myself?"  Were Twelve Step programs a philosophy or a system of recovery? Was their approach  "guaranteed" to help me? And how could I encourage my dry drunk to have her spiritual awakening, so I could get on with my life?

Questions can be powerful, but I entertained too many at once. I had a busy mind, but clearly I was not getting better. Nor did I feel smarter.   

Meanwhile, I went to all my meetings.  I read literature silently, and argued with it privately.  In meetings, I heard and read out-loud, over and over,  the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Then, I heard people trying to put each Step into their own words. Gradually,  the work began to make sense. ".. I stopped trying to analyze and explain everything and started living the principles."  Once I found how helpful it was to apply these tools in everyday situations...  I started to change.

 "Am I taking inventory, or [am I] avoiding work that needs to be done by keeping my mind occupied? I have heard that knowledge is power. But sometimes my thirst for knowledge can be an attempt to exercise power when I am powerless. Instead I can take the first Step."   

While analyzing my situation provides insights, it can also be an attempt to control  the uncontrollable. 

"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."
Soren Kierkegaard

Quotes from October 11th's Courage to Change

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