It explained my situation of last week. With a bit of editing and reorganizing, it is my lesson for today.
"My recovery is about progress, not perfection. Each time I practice accepting my powerlessness, it comes closer to being a natural response.The good news is that with surrender and acceptance comes release from my pain."
"...I wish I could say that I always recognize and accept my powerlessness. If only I asked my Higher Power for guidance, let her do her part while I do mine, and then went on from there. [Alas, s]ometimes I need to work Step One backwards."
Working "Powerlessness Backwards" is for those times when I can't recognize H.O.W. I am powerless. For when my "automatic" coping mechanisms are not working.
"[Can I notice when my life becomes unmanageable? Then I may discern when my [feeling of "craziness" means I have forgotten] my powerlessness and [am] trying to control outcomes or other people."
I saw the quality of my life deteriorate last week, because I had unwittingly set out "to change someone or something over which I have no control."
In my case, I wanted more open boundaries to practice my program, and not more restrictive boundaries that made no sense to me spiritually and as a writer. But put another way, I simply wanted my way. Once I had my headache, there was no way around the admission that I'd overspent my emotional bank account on the conundrum.
When I find myself "spending inordinate amounts of time and effort" towards an end of my ego's making, I am creating unmanageability. It is not enough to say I am powerless; without real acceptance I will "still experience pain, frustration and a sense of failure. When I accept my powerlessness and surrender to my Higher Power for guidance, however, I gain some measure of serenity and humility. I become spiritually teachable."
"Often this practice [is straighforward].. Since I am human, I sometimes need to go through the experience of struggling with someone or something before I become willing to surrender and accept reality once again.... The pain is not in the surrender and acceptance. It is in the resistance."
"I can hold onto my will until the situation becomes so painful that I am forced to submit, or I can put my energy where it can do me some good right now, and surrender to my Higher Power." Courage to Change, pg 269