I have always known myself to be a Doubting Thomas. There have been many times when I could not believe that a singular Higher Power cared at all about what goes on in this large world, much less my life. Like the author of today's reading in Courage to Change, "Doubt comes easily to me; belief is difficult."
What helps me have faith in a Power greater than myself, is taking time to look back over my life. I've no doubt that something guided me to our program, when I tried to attend my first AA meeting in Germany and was told about Emotions Anonymous instead.
Then, when I returned to the States on the heels of my first psychiatric hospitalization, and life was at its darkest, EA was active in my new community in rural New York state.
I have a face-to-face group in EA in my current home community too. But will have to start anew when we move in three weeks' time.
What inspires me to get plugged into Al-anon meetings in my next community are these words: "I remember that I am encouraged by the honesty of people who share their innermost thoughts in our meetings, week after week, year after year, yet I am aware deep down, there is a part of me that wants what is good for me, that pushes me to seek pure happiness, direction and wholeness in my life."
That part of me that continues to seek wellness is evidence of some wellspring of Spiritual Power at work.
It shows up in day-to-day coincidences too. For example, the words and music of certain songs have "given me courage to go on with my life when it might have been easier for me to give up."
With such experiences, great and small, I learn to "doubt my Doubts!"
When I feel far away from a Divine Power, I need to listen very carefully. "I listen at meetings, I listen to music, I listen to the wisdom that comes through our literature, and I [pray] to be open to what I hear. "
I can never predict from where a message from my Higher Power will come.
So, let me stay receptive and aware, especially as we move home base.
Courage + Trust = Change