This Lenten season is passing quickly!
It was tough when I learned that I needed to clear space in my life for God to work on me. How do I create time and space for discernment in wilderness, which appears so chaotic?
I drew a blank.
Then I recognized how my first Step Ones created just such a clearing. Each time I admitted powerlessness over the wilderness of my emotions, I had the opportunity to dwell in a place of discernment, until I understood where my real power lay.
Deeper in recovery, when I faced physical illness, I saw how I still protected myself from pain, either by using my mind to excess. Or I would stay physically active, to be one step ahead of pain.
I've learned that I have to sit still long enough (HALT) so that I can observe my personal wilderness, and fully feel it. Racing with my head I avoided feeling pain. And running physically, adrenaline would keep me from actually feeling my pain and dealing with it.
Once I felt the pain of the brambles and thorns in my emotional wilderness, I learned to ask questions, like what in my nature and habits prevents me from creating space for God to heal me?
Where am I "driven" when I FINALLY stop to listen for the still, small voice? For me I am driven to judge and to complain and to feel dry and bored with myself.
That's because when I sit I can see, how I lack discipline and balance. I often do things the hard way. It hurts to see how I can easily be impatient, sarcastic, and unable to listen to others.
But Lent is not about beating up on ourselves for the ways we defend ourselves from Life. It is creating space for the Love, that is always available, and is a better guide then the defenses we usually use to protect ourselves from Life.