April 9, 2015

There Is No Right Way to Do Step Eleven

This past week, I have been using a book on mindfulness meditation that is for all of what I have felt since February:   Ennui, boredom, depression, anxiety.

I discovered it by accident at my local bookstore:  The Mindful Way Workbook... to free yourself from Depression and Emotional Distress.  Thank goodness for that being the only title at the store or I would be using multiple books and thinking I needed one for each emotion that is troubling me! 

Since about mid-February, I have been wrestling with  each head of multi-headed hydra. No longer, for my book puts it straight. I don't have to wrestle with the heads anymore, or try to vanquish the hydra.

Now I get to just be Aware of the hydra.

It is funny how the arms wave at me, even when I am doing a body scan.  A few of the thoughts that come up as I listen to the accented English of the instructions: "Just 38 minutes? Wait, the time in the book says, 45.   Either way, why won't 20 minutes suffice? ....Oh no, I am not breathing very deeply. Uh-oh,  am focusing on the wrong foot. What did he just say about how to breathe into my leg?"

When it is time to sense my body, I am not quite sure I feel the skin on my foot. I do feel my neck tense on the pillow, and I am tempted to judge that. Almost. Then, comes the sense of amazement when I do feel my neck release ever so slightly. (It helps to put a rolled towel under the cervical curve at the back of my neck.)

What are my feelings?  Well it is thrilling to be aware that I actually did relax and by the very end, when I hear the bell "ting," I am surprised it's over. I want more. And, I feel like stretching in the luxurious way that a cat does....

Mmmmm.

1 comment:

  1. you might find this woman interesting Gangaji on youtube

    ReplyDelete

I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~