Today I learned that my three minute meditation is the most important part of the mindfulness practice I am learning, for my current anxiety and (hopefully passing) depression.
Later, in Centering Prayer, it was particularly poignant that I heard these words, which I shall paraphrase:
To be awake is "to know that what we think has an effect on how we feel, that what we feel has an effect on what is: thoughts and words are the tools with which we forge our lives."
When I am awake, then I can find myself, and listen to myself. I can hear my thoughts, feel my body. Waking up is a process. It is soul work, to discover the truth of me, and align myself with that. I do think this is what Step Four is all about, and why I must go through Step Eleven (prayer and meditation) to really awaken. To awaken will eventually mean that I shall eventually "experience every tragic and terrible thing, knowing that it holds a lesson for [me]."
I get the impression the lessons are not meant to be the punishment I was raised to believe. Thanks, Jan Philips (The Book of Hours for a Prophetic Age) for this message of hope.