This past many weeks, I was truly wrestling with whether and how to tell my dad that his brother had died. I felt such a drive to do the "right" thing, but I encountered a huge anxiety when I thought of actually writing the card and sending it. Perhaps this is a natural response to having been traumatized by my mom's responses to precious efforts to reconnect my dad to his family.
Thankfully I have a brother to speak with, as well as program members who were able to ask key questions. In the end I was able to cry as I witnessed my body-mind make the best-fitting decision for me.
What clinched the deal were the these words taped to my mirror:
I am my own spiritual aim.
(I am really grateful for the program member who first shared how this is derived from Tradition Six. *)
They emphasize that my serenity is more important than informing my dad, that his brother Burt passed on July 24. For over forty years my mom and dad have avoided normal interactions his siblings and their progeny. All I will do will be to hurt dad and have my mom at my back. Why should I get in the middle and create drama?
What if I send a simple peace lily to my dad, without explanation? If he really wants to know the story behind this unusual gift, he can always call me and ask. (I am betting he won't, cause he has always sought the serenity path in living with battle-ax mom).
* "EA Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim."
Sometimes it is hard to know what is our business and what isn't. Mostly I have found it isn't and it is usually my need to fix things or my need to feel like I am a better person for taking action. With family it is complicated and without a program it is easier for most to just close the door on the past
ReplyDeleteWithout program I guess it is easier to just close the door on the past, as my dad has done with his siblings. Or rather, it seems necessary in order to avoid pain or confusion. It seems to make life simpler. I suspect my dad figured letting go of his family of origin would be the best way to live life in the present. It helps me that you shared this perspective today, Grace.
ReplyDeleteJust for today, I can pray for my own inner peace about my dad's decision. He allowed me to make my own as well.
Best, Victoria