May 19, 2016

When I wrote these words

Some days I find myself writing as if I were my usual self.  I am glad for that touchstone. Voila, Just for Today I am me!

When I wrote this words I was in a rough place, and I know a big reason for this is that I don't yet have close friends in my current community.  I am grateful that others locally do know I've had a relapse.  I just want my "old" self back.  I'd understood that with age and with devotion to the program mantras, I'd be able to claim recovery.  What I've discovered for me is that depression has taken root. It's a hard weed for me to pull up. I don't want use poison.

I don't want chocolate cake; I want good solid nutrition. I want to be known. I feel like a sloth.  Trying to love myself anyways.  God knows I can't do recovery alone.

HP says judge not lest ye be judged. I'm traveling the dark night of the soul with my humble candle; I want to be there for my family--but first I need to be there for myself.  I am glad for each of you that believes.

Love and peace,  staying the course, ~Victorious


  1. It seems like you are where I was for a long time. I opted not to take drugs even though everyone wanted me to. I did lose myself and finally just accepted it. Today I feel whole again. Looking back I do think that so of my worst mental problem were physical I thought menopause but no I think it was thyroid. Great prolonged stress can send your body into a type of shock. I wish I knew this sooner but because I was depressed I couldn't listen. I thought it was all emotional and I had to work on my issues. It isn't always in your mind but sometimes mind and body. Vitamin D (5000)plus K-2 had the most affect to start with. I was in a dark place too long.

    1. Grace, Thanks for your experience shared. And do you mean Vitamin K, or Potassium (K)?


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