Some days I find myself writing as if I were my usual self. I am glad for that touchstone. Voila, Just for Today I am me!
When I wrote this words I was in a rough place, and I know a big reason for this is that I don't yet have close friends in my current community. I am grateful that others locally do know I've had a relapse. I just want my "old" self back. I'd understood that with age and with devotion to the program mantras, I'd be able to claim recovery. What I've discovered for me is that depression has taken root. It's a hard weed for me to pull up. I don't want use poison.
I don't want chocolate cake; I want good solid nutrition. I want to be known. I feel like a sloth. Trying to love myself anyways. God knows I can't do recovery alone.
HP says judge not lest ye be judged. I'm traveling the dark night of the soul with my humble candle; I want to be there for my family--but first I need to be there for myself. I am glad for each of you that believes.
Love and peace, staying the course, ~Victorious
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