April 12, 2010

Smitty's ESH: What a Step Four Inventory is Not

For years, I struggled with an identity I was given in childhood. My mom had called me a leech when I was a teenager. Well, I guess I was a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, as all young people do. A caterpillar eats all the shoots, and leaves.

Today, I took time to clean my office and found an old draft of a letter that I sent my mom last year. It amazed me to realize my mom still has this idea of me, even as recent as last year, as evidenced by the focus of my letter. Through my letter, I was trying to put that "leech" concept aside once and for all, and help us both be more honest.

In it I tell her this, "As you can imagine, I don't like being called a leech. I was a person being raised by you who had needs and wanted help in getting those needs met."

Today I realize that I can only be honest with myself, and expect NO change in attitude from my mom, even when I speak my truth with love.

I realize I have struggled with words used against me, taking them very seriously, for too long a time. I am grateful to be able to identify the distortion in the inventory my mom has done, without reacting. As I am already hard on myself, I am very grateful to see my own words in writing today and they are good enough for me (even if I never did send the letter).

May we all heal.


  1. I have done the same but realize that what others think of me or say is something I can't control. And I don't have to believe everything that I hear.

  2. I always wondered how different I'd.....we'd all be if we weren't labeled as this or that as a child. Good or bad I believe the comments our parents, friends, doctors or teachers say about us mold us into who we are.


I welcome your thoughts. Keep me honest~