Why do I find it so hard to accept that my family of origin has a disease? Would I blame a diabetic or a cancer patient for their symptoms? Of course not. I know that willpower alone is not enough to defeat an emotional disease, either. If willpower were simply enough, my dysfunctional family member (s) woud have stopped their self-defeating behaviors long ago. It would do me no good to plead, berate or reason with tuberculosis; I will not waste my time pleading, berating or reasoning with emotional insobriety.
Today I resolve to stop blaming my personality disordered family member for what is outside of their control. I can even forgive them for not being in perfect in their use of recovery tools. Instead, I direct my efforts where they can do some good: I will commit myself to my own recovery. I know that improved health in one family member can have a profound effect on the rest of the family. In this way, I can make a much stronger contribution to the well-being of those I love than I ever could by trying to combat a disease that can't be controlled.
When I accept my family member has a disease, it becomes easier to recognized that I too, have been affected by something beyond my control, and to begin to recover from those effects.
Regardless of the dysfunctional person's efforts to achieve emotional peace, the time for the family members to begin working on their own recovery is now.