T is a busy single mom of two girls who is working on a professional degree. She and I both have experience with the Steps, and we meet each Friday as friends. She told me on our first October tea last Friday, tea that she was ENVIOUS of a new gentleman friend because he has the spiritual support and accountability of 12-step meetings he attends regularly.
Oddly enough, while waiting for her to join me that morning, a used copy of Twelve Steps for Christians had jumped off a shelf into my hands. I'd found a passage in it that made me thing of how, last year, my friend T had asked me if I would be a spiritual friend in her walk with Christ. At the time I could not say yes, because in my spiritual "contrariness" I did not think I would support her in the ways she needed.
When T told me she wished she had a support group, I showed her the book in my lap and suggested we become recovery buddies. We made an pact on the spot.
That First Friday as recovery buddies, we discussed the importance of lists. A plan for the day at least. Not the use of a list that never ends, not the kind that put "shoulds" ahead of self-care. It was my friend who reminded me that my creative time comes first ahead of everything else that wants to jump on my list. Creative time that feels good and nourishes my dreams is what will fuel all the other things of the day that I do for the benefit of my family and community.
We discussed the difference too between living at peace with unsolved problems... and shirking responsibility. My input was that maybe procrastination is the close enemy of responsibility to myself, AND those dear to me..
Those shoulds that I had in my head used to drive me to keep doing and not feeling. I am glad to not have a case of the shoulds much anymore.
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