Attending meetings, and applying the Slogan, "Think," helped me to finally understand the message of today's author of Courage to Change. " Shouting and slamming doors were not the best ways to handle an already difficult situation." I learned to "Rethink", by asking myself, "Does this behavior get me what I want... or encourage me to feel good about myself? Is this how I want to behave?" To both I had to answer "no."
I have discovered that righteous anger gets in the way, even when there are no doors to slam. There may be no harm in letting off steam with a raised voice, but shouting can become a distructive habit. In talking today with my mom on the phone, 3000 miles away, even repressed shouting just burns me up with frustration and prevents genuine communication.
What helps me find my rational mind again, is the slogan "Easy Does It." I used this slogan a few days ago, to quiet myself on the inside; it made my outside actions towards my mom quieter as well.
When she told me out of the blue that I was boring, I got quiet and realized she was trying to provoke me. Instead of telling her off, or trying to set a boundary with words, that my mom typically won't respect, I asked myself a question and listened. "How can I take care of this pain, and not react in anger?" The answer was to quietly state that if she found me boring, it was time for me to go. So I did. To my surprise, I found myself completely free of anger, and at peace with my actions.
The Slogans have the power to bring sanity in chaotic circumstances. I will use one of them today. When I feel provoked to act out of anger or frustration, " I will remember to "Think," and that "'Easy Does It.'"
Help me apply a Slogan to every situation that threatens to "increase tension and cause an explosion." Adapted from One Day at a Time in Al-anon
Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back. Don Herold
Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back. Don Herold
Easy does it is a good one. I also remember that everything said by another isn't true. I can choose to believe them or not. If I am strong within myself, then I can let what they say go.
ReplyDeleteThanks Syd, for emphasizing Easy Does it. In my EA program we no longer have it as a "formal" Slogan. But yes, in looking back, I know that Slogan sure helped me to detach from my mom's insult.
ReplyDeleteI am working on the strength-- in myself. That strength, I am finding, is a lot more about staying centered, than looking like an athlete!