Weaving my personal recovery using the fabric of Emotions Anonymous and the healing strands of Alanon.
I'm learning H.O.W. to calm the chaos when my "dry" drunk wreaks havoc.
November 16, 2010
My Hurt or Thine?
Just like the author of today's CTC, I used to feel very hurt if anyone gave me
an angry look, spoke in a harsh tone, or didn't speak to me at all. I needed
kind words constantly, in order to accept myself.
Today, I know that how someone looks or talks to me, or the color of their
mood may have nothing to do with me. In fact, their communication generally
has more to do with what is going on inside them--their perceptions, opinions,
and emotions. Sometimes I wonder why my feelings continue to be hurt. I've
heard it said that when I take everything personally, I am acting as if I am thefocus of everyone's attention. Is extreme sensitivity a form of conceit? Well, Iam not sure about that. I am more inclined to see it from the point of view of
that little child inside that was blamed for an adult's anger a long long time ago. That little girl has faulty beliefs that act as triggers inside of her.
Little children do think that everything going on around them has something to
do with them. As an adult today, I can realize that my reality has changed. Iam the adult now. If my issue proves to be about conceit or vanity today,
Al-anon can help me reduce my sensivity to all that happens around me.
When I do carry the hurt, it only hurts and controls me. Instead, before I pick itup, I check to see if it is really mine to carry. I also try to ask myself "How
important is it?"
The author ends with, "Other people are important to me, and sometimes theiropinions matter, but I may be taking something personally that has nothing to
do with me. Having opinions of my own about myself lets me accept other
people's thoughts without being controlled by them.
"It was through going to meetings and the daily readings of Al-anon literature that I awakened to the fact that what other people did and said reflected on them;
what I did and said reflected on me." Living With Sobriety
I am a member of Emotions Anonymous, which adapts AA's 12 steps for recovery from alcoholism, to recovery from emotional illness. Sojourning in Al-anon, a program for family members of recovering alcoholics, has helped me in dealing with my family, which was impacted by borderline personality disorder. Feel free to read!
If you'd like to the next step and participate daily in a path to emotional healing, using EA's Twelve Steps, please join us our autonomous group on Big Tent at https://www.bigtent.com/groups/emoreroom