I've shared that my personal vulnerability surfaced over the Thanksgiving weekend. I may need to share more details about my "challenge," maybe that will occur when my story speaks to something I read in another person's post/ recovery.
In the meantime, what seems most important is dwelling in the solution. The bruised ego and spirit are healed by my living each day, gently applying the tools that allow me to "come back" more and more to myself.
How does my HP rock? Well, first by getting my attention in Step One, to make me aware of my powerlessness. It is painful to admit my life was completely unmanageable. But I can admit it, without needing to overdo Step One, or dwell in shame. Step One creates a yearning in me for the quiet process that comes next:
Step Two: I came to believe in a Higher Power that restores me to sanity. I know my sanity is God-given, so Step Two works me very well, with me bowing my head in reverence and peace. (I think Step Two also happens when we witness one another's recovery from big and small falls). Once I "get" Step Two, I can ROCK from belief to trust, and am able to make the "decision" referred to in Step Three.
To turn my will over to the *care* of a Higher Power, can really seem like hard rocking! Honestly it only feels natural when I've put myself in conscious contact with the faith of Step Two. (Which, in my earlier experience with the steps, occurred once I had a good understanding of Step Eleven. The prayer in Step Eleven is when I feel gratitude for sanity as it slowly returned.)
As I "dance" steps one, two, and three... I get to see how I am building the faith I need... Then I experience the Light and Love of my HP (step eleven).. to my eventual "fearless and searching moral inventory." (Step Four)
I always like newcomers to know that step four is not a place we go to experience pain and shame. A moral inventory need not shame. It gives my HP credit for my gifts, and helps me to appreciate what I have done right, and to look carefully and kindly at where I have erred, or misapplied my talents to the wrong goal (s).